Blinded by the Light

Last Tuesday, as I parked my car in my girlfriend's driveway, I lost vision in my right eye at the same time that a yellow crescent light flashed in the outside corner.

I got out of the car and told my friend, “I have a problem.”

“What?”

“My eye just blew.”

Eye drawing with flashes of retina tear.

I know this because three years ago I tore the retina in my left eye and the flash was like the tiny sliver of sunlight left just before the moon covered it during the eclipse. That time I thought I had a stroke but had no other symptoms. Visually, there were black dots that taunted me like mosquitoes, as well as floaters—those transparent squiggly lines that dance in front of me all day long.

When I visited my ophthalmic surgeon the next day, he confirmed that I had a PVD—  Posterior Vitreous Detachment. This is where the vitreous pulls away from the eye. It caused a tear in my retina, so he would have to do emergency laser eye surgery. Plus, he found another tear in my left retina and scheduled a second surgery in two weeks.

Many questions flashed through my mind:

• Can I fly next month for a planned trip?

• Why did this happen?

• How can I prevent it from happening again?

• How will I care for my mom if lifting and physical activity is restricted for three weeks?

• What do I need to let go of?

There's not much preparation for this type of surgery and those questions shot out of my mind as a circular glass with numbing cream was placed on my eyeball. An assistant held my head against the eye stool (for lack of a better word). White light surrounded by green flashed into my eye multiple times. I furiously blinked my left eyelid as I moved both eyes to “upper left” “straight up" “upper right” “right” lower right” “down" “lower left” “left.”

It took less than one minute but my eye felt like it had been hit by a baseball. The questions and worries I had before the surgery were still there but thankfully (or not!) my brain was numb.

As I cuddled under my favorite blanket on the couch, another question popped into my head:

What was the universe trying to tell me?

The irony of a solar eclipse didn't escape me. Nor did the surgeon’s bit of advice: “Do not look at the eclipse.”

Was the universe telling me to turn away from what might seem flashy and will take time away from what I should be focusing on?

When I arrived home, I acknowledged that in order to have clear and healthy vision, I would need to remove what I could from my schedule and sit in stillness.

As part of my morning ritual, I do sit in stillness journaling my intentions for the day. That morning I had asked the universe to kick my butt and keep me aligned with my purpose. Help me grow a community and to support me today. The universe has a wild sense of humor and often uses physical adversities to get me on the straight and narrow path of my purpose!

While driving, when a bright light blinds you and your vision narrows, you focus on the white line at the edge of the road. It's a path guiding you until you can fully see again. Having to cancel everything opened space for my most important intention—caring for myself and being OK with that. Also asking for help when I needed. Not being able to read, write, or watch TV gave me room to clarify what I'm focusing on in my life, especially in my business and creative ventures.

Even though I thought I slowed down and cleared my path, being blinded by that crescent streak of light opened my eyes to what I’m excited to continue growing and to let everything else be for now.

Just follow the white line!

The ophthalmologist said that these tears in my retinas are because of my near sightedness and perhaps being a preemie.

“Bad luck and bad genes,” he said.

That may be true but I also know I can do a lot to flow with these tears and live my life aligned with my visions, intentions, purpose, and a healthy body. In case this has happened to you, I read that good hydration, berries, and leafy greens also help.

As far as the eclipse, I went outside covered with a hoodie and sunglasses over my eyeglasses. I did put on my eclipse glasses but was too nervous to take a look. I saw photos and my husband videotaped it. That was good enough for me as I've seen more than enough of the light and am grateful for my vision(s).

Solar Eclipse 4/8/2024 Photo by Alysia Thomas

I’m offering these prompts to possibly shed some light on your vision(s). May they support you however you need:

• When was a time that you lost your vision or it was obscured by darkness, murkiness, uncertainty or perhaps you physically lost your vision?

• In what ways were you able to see again or clarify clear your vision?

• What opened up for you?

• What is still cloudy or obscured?

• How has this visual change shifted your purpose, insights, and way of being?

• What has it shed light on? i.e.:

  • What matters?

  • How you want to spend your time

  • Simplifying

  • Taking in with all your senses and what fuels you

  I’d love to hear any of your Blinded by the Light experiences and where you are on that path

  as well as your eclipse memories.